It’s day 25 here in sunny Singapore and to be completely honest it’s been tough.
I mean, it’s been amazing as well and I’m really loving Singapore, the culture and the people; but at the same time I miss home. I miss my family, my friends, my church and basically my entire life back in New Zealand. Although I have extended family over here I’m alone most of the time. It gets quite lonely having meals by yourself and waking up to an empty apartment.
Now I’ll never admit this to my brother but I miss his loud video gaming in the middle of the night. I don’t think I’ll ever complain about that again, at least not in the same way. If that even makes sense.This lonely feeling has actually helped me put certain things into a new perspective.
When I was eating dinner tonight with my Auntie and my cousin, although I was with people a sudden huge wave of loneliness flooded into my heart. It was a terrible feeling and my eyes became watery as I thought about how alone I really am. I began to regret this journey to find me that only a month ago seemed like rainbows and cupcakes but now, seems like the worst decision I had ever made in my entire life.
I’m currently reading She Believes by Debbie Lindell (shout out to her, she’s an amazing person and writer!) and today I read Chapter 11 which titles ‘Treasure in the darkness’. It was really encouraging reading that chapter as it was absolutely relatable to my situation and it gave me strength and hope.
“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me” Psalms 23:4 NLT
Loneliness sucks but I know for a fact that it is far from the darkest thing I will experience in my life time. Knowing that God will be there in the DARKEST valley gives me so much encouragement for the loneliness I am feeling.
In the darkness the treasures I see are… the people I took for granted back in New Zealand has shown me how I must cherish, really appreciate and be thankful for the people around me at this time. I am far from alone. I have an entire family to get to know. I have a God that loves me unconditionally and is always by my side guiding me and taking me by my hand towards him.
This experience has brought me closer to God and I really hope and pray that He will continue growing me and bringing me closer to Him in this journey.